Our Great Sorrow, Our Great Joy

Our Great Sorrow: We wish we could share this with you in person. Our souls and hearts are so very sore. I pray you will “hear” our tears but also understand our joy.

We learned in November just before I left for Chile that Culver’s girlfriend, Tiffany, was expecting a baby. We have grieved and grieved. Tiffany is almost nineteen, out of high school, working full time and has always wanted is to be is a mother. She is a lovely girl and has grown up as a Jehovah’s Witness.

The baby was due April 22. He was born at Tiffany's home, with the aid of two midwives, and Tiffany's brother who is an EMT, on Friday, April 24th at 4:58 pm.

So, our little boy is a father before he turns 18 or graduates from high school. Tiffany would like Culver to marry her. At this point all he is sure of is that he wants a relationship with his son and to raise him in a Christian environment. He also wants to help financially and was putting aside half of his small paycheck to go towards expenses but he lost his job about 6 weeks ago!

He has dealt with shame and guilt and we continually try to address that. We are trying to create an environment of love, grace, forgiveness and encourage him at the same time. Our hearts have been very heavy as you can imagine. The layers of grief and deep lessons that God is teaching us have been overwhelming at times.

As soon as we learned of the situation, we offered to resign from Paraclete leadership, my mentor girls and as leaders of our church home group. However, the response was unanimous that we should continue. Mostly we’ve been extended a lot of love and grace. The times we haven’t have been extremely painful but have deepened our walk with God. As we have chosen to be as open and transparent as possible with our great sorrow, the Lord has opened many doors of ministry. We’ve discovered that almost everyone is carrying a great sorrow for a child or a close family member. We now weep with those who weep in a new way.

Our great joy is that we have a grandson! He weighed 7 lbs. 13 oz and was 20.5 inches long. Culver was present at his son's birth, he said that Tiffany was not holding his hand, but trying to take it off when the baby was born! When we got there an hour and a half later (it’s delicate for us, not wanting to barge in, but wanting to be supportive of Culver and whatever he needs), Culver was holding him. The midwives had Culver clean the little guy up, he also got to cut the umbilical cord, which happened while we were there too. We watched, cried and rejoiced as they inspected every inch of his little body. They decided not to name him until they got to know him better so we've been referring to him as our "little guy" or, as Carl calls him, "our petite homie!" AS OF MAY 1: The name is Conor Michael--no last name yet.

It looks like I will be babysitting at least once a week when Tiffany goes back to work.

We treasure your prayers for Culver as he faces adult issues and burdens far beyond his years. He is as sweet as ever, not rebellious, just young and bewildered, unsure of who he is. We realize that his questions are normal for any teenager, but his adoption issues complicate his need to understand who he is.

Please also pray for Culver, Tiffany and our "little guy." Also we treasure your prayers for us as parents and grandparents to guide and love with wisdom in these uncharted waters.