So, What Did God Say?

A lot of people are asking that when they hear that I did a sabbatical and spent a good bit of time "listening." Thanks to Wayne for prompting me to write this posting originally as an email. All of us want to hear from God. And most of us feel frustrated sometimes in our efforts to discern what God is trying to tell us. I've had the experience and maybe you have too of God seeming to say, “You decide.”

In the Celtic Daily Prayer there is a reading from Jennifer Lash's On Pilgrimage in which Gustava, the pilgrim is asked what she has found on her pilgrimage. Here is her reply, "I have sown seeds" she said. "Now I must go home, live and work and wait for the harvest. I'll tell you in two years." I have had the feeling several times lately that I am building patterns on this sabbatical for use in real life. I want to be able to move into God's presence from wherever I find myself, and not require months of preparation and rest to get to the point where I can hear from the Lord. I want to enjoy his presence on a moment by moment basis, not just turn to him for bail outs.

I've come to understand that God is constantly speaking to us, although not always in the way we expect. Henri Nouwen says our lives have become absurd. "In the word absurd we find the Latin word surdus, which means 'deaf.' A spiritual life life requires discipline because we need to learn to listen to God, who constantly speaks but whom we seldom hear."

I didn’t go into this sabbatical with a lot of big questions. Shelly and I have done that kind of prayer--most recently as we were seeking the Lord’s face on direction when we left HCJB Global where we had served for 29 years.. I saw the sabbatical as more of a time to restore my soul and quiet my heart after many years of high intensity ministry. So I spent a lot of time “clearing out.” I had a lot of personal and work business to get out of the way so I could even start the sabbatical. Apparently this is a common theme. I used an approach developed by the Navigators and the first thing they have you do is what they call “pre-sabbatical.” Our transition from HCJB to Paraclete fit in this phase.

The bulk of the listening time was a part of the Nav’s Phase II, what they call "Reflect and Refocus." After I had spent the time clearing out, then time resting, I wanted to be careful to listen well, because I knew it would be a long time before I had the chance to get back to the same place. So I spent large blocks of time with no agenda or content—not even spiritual content. I would read scripture, but not to study or memorize, just to occupy my mind with it and give God a hook to get at me. I walked a lot—mostly alone. I’d go off for half a day sometimes and just wander around in the forest. Shelly called this our Black Forest summer because I discovered some great trails there a few miles north of our house.

I have used the Lord’s Prayer and the Fruit of the Spirit as prayer outlines for years. It’s familiar comfortable ground for me, so I prayed with these passages as outlines. Sometimes there would be actual words that the Spirit would leave with me. One time I even heard some words that I may end up using as Internet domain names for some projects I’m thinking about. Sometimes the words were just for me. But more often than not I would not sense actual words. I can distinctly remember one time when I had focused on taking pleasure at being in God’s presence, and I could feel God’s pleasure in my pleasure.

I allowed creation to guide me. I’m used to hiking, and I have a pace for that when I’m trying to get exercise. I slowed it down to a more “contemplative pace,” and allowed creation to speak to me during sabbatical. I bought a book of Colorado wild flowers and I’d get down on the ground trying to identify them. It’s not hard to go from there to worship! I came to see God’s hand in the Ponderosa Pines as evidence of his movement over time. I could sense their growth, unseen in the forest, and came to look at it as an example of God’s unseen hand that we miss at 70 mph—or even at a jog.

I spent a lot of time working on the practice of the presence of God, as Brother Lawrence describes it. This led to some ways of praying that were new to me and some ways of thinking about Jesus’ presence with me that I had never experienced before. Very rich.

Toward the end of the sabbatical, although I had not been seeking direction, some things “happened” that will shape the future direction of our ministry. We have had some family issues and changes. Our home group co-leaders had to withdraw from that shared ministry. Some possibilities with Paraclete came up that we had not envisioned. We had financial support difficulties for the first time in ages. We understand all of these things as practical expressions of direction.

Hope this doesn’t sound like I am avoiding the original question!